Thursday, February 19, 2009

Fresh Manure

Since it has been so long since the last post, I thought I’d treat you to a trifecta of dragon poop tales. Be prepared, though. These clips aren’t for the weak of stomach or mature of personality.


For the last couple weeks, everyone in the family has been suffering from some sort of cold or flu bug. There was snot on every soft surface, including my pillowcase, though it wasn’t from me. Fevers, sneezing, sinus headaches… the whole delightful package. And then to top it off, the G.I. Disturbance fairy visited us all. Little Lucan was the first one to experience the effects of her wrath.

As I always do, I put the boys in the bath together and left the door open while I cleaned the adjoining room, the kitchen. Declan and Lucan splash around and play where I can hear and peek at them, while I get to load the dishwasher without someone pulling all the silverware back out and using them to stir the dog’s water. It’s very win-win. It’s also kind of amusing to listen to them jabbering and shrieking as they fight over toys and constantly flip-flop the seating arrangement.

This particular day I heard said shrieking, possibly a little more than normal, but didn’t think much of it. When my usual circuit of scraping, scrubbing, and cringing brought me back by the bathroom door, I stepped in for a check-up. That’s when my mouth dropped open as my eyes darted across the water. Little turds! Swirling debris! And…pineapple chunks? And there, right in the middle of it all, my three-year-old was sunken to his nose making a motorboat wake. Aaaaagghh!!

Declan popped his head up, as I was simultaneously hitting the drain and starting the shower, and informed me, “Lu pooped, Mommy.” Yeah, this information would have been useful, say, around the time it happened. Before you decided to try caca chapstick. In my horror, with a wet and slimy baby in my arms, I demanded that he puke to get the germs out of him. Sure as…well, you know…he did! We just added that mouthful of goodness to the mix headed lazily for the drain.

Needless to say, even though that was a first for Lucan, the bath routine now includes the periodic, “Anybody poop in there?”


Declan was the next person to become personally acquainted with the effects of intestinal difficulty. Some might argue that he picked the bug up orally from his little brother. But in any case, it made for one of the funniest new experiences he has had in his short life. Funny for me, that is.

One morning Bryan and I were in the kitchen making pancakes (again), as a cheery little Declan came around the corner from the living room. He was babbling to us about something – the cats, his new fort plans, or where he planned on having me chauffeur him to in the afternoon. Who knows? The important thing is that he froze, mid-sentence and mid-stride, and looked up at us in utter confusion.

His eyes narrowed as he asked, “Did I just poop?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, did you? Why? Do you feel like you have to go again? Bryan, did he go to the bathroom yet this morning?”

Bryan, who had been paying more attention to Declan’s body language that I had, shook his head slowly. “No… I think he means now.”

A check of his pajama pants confirmed it. Declan’s first “shart” was as confusing to him as it was hilarious to me.


Last weekend we visited family on the other side of the state. We had just gotten onto the highway for our return drive Sunday night when Declan announced that he needed to go caca. I guess he couldn’t sense that 15 minutes earlier when we were at the restaurant. Since we were squarely between exits, Bryan told him he couldn’t stop.

What?!” His ultra high-pitched squeak sounded so desperate.

“Hold on, buddy. I’ll pull over in a minute and find a place for you to go,” Bryan reassured him.

Moments like these make me glad that Declan is in my line of sight when I’m not driving. The wide-eyed look of confusion and disappointment on his face was priceless.

“Like a doggy?” he asked sadly.

I don’t know what made me laugh harder – the fact that he was picturing himself squatted in the grass along side the road, or the fact that even though the thought horrified him, he was willing to do it! Despite his resigned willingness, we took our Doggy to a gas station at the next exit.



This week I got to go to Wal-Mart by myself for a change. I was enjoying strolling slowly down the baby toy aisle, without having to wrestle a slightly different version of a toy we already own out of anyone’s greedy hands, when I froze.

“Uh-oh,” I thought. “Did I just poop?”

It wasn’t so funny from this side of the story.


  1. My husband, daughter, and myself all had the horrible GI bug the week before the 14th. Needless to say this was a sad reminder of that week. Funny, but I don't want to do that again.

  2. Right now my sister has the GI bug and I am sure we are to follow, I shouldn't complain, it's been over a year since we had the flu bug, I know that for a fact because the last one was when I was 38 weeks preggo....not fun. I am praying we won't get it, well praying and disenfecting everything my sister touches! I don't want a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old giving me little "gifts"......You will hear my sobs from your house if we all get it!

  3. lets just say you arent alone in the department of "did I just poop" at walmart. I had to throw my panties away in the bathroom there and go home and shower!