Wednesday, January 21, 2009

What's THAT all about, anyway?

I feel like I should probably explain about all this dragon poop, huh? Like many of the weird elements in my daily life, this one is courtesy of Declan. It all started with his Halloween costume last fall. This was the first year I let him have any input on his outfit, and he zeroed right in on that red monstrosity. To be honest, he thought it was a dinosaur at first, but as a closet nerd, I had to set the record straight.

Normally I buy his costume and set it aside until trick-or-treat night. Not this year. He had that thing out of the bag the moment we walked through the front door. For two weeks, he put it on almost every day. He insisted on wearing it on shopping trips, even on the days when it was unseasonably warm and sweat soaked his hair. By the time Halloween rolled around, I had washed the costume several times.

In a lot of stories (Think, The Hobbit), dragons are vain creatures. My little Decky Dragon certainly fit the bill! The first day, he spent the entire afternoon in my room, stomping in front of a mirror. He made scary faces, checked out his claws, turned around to see the tail and wings, and then checked out his claws again. There was a lot of roaring coming from upstairs.

Then, somehow, for some reason, it dawned on him that dragons poop. Without any kind of announcement, he squatted down in the middle of the kitchen and yelled, “Pooooop!”

“What?!” I thought maybe he’d had some sort of regression and had just taken a dump in his undies.

“Look!” He explained, pointing to a blank spot on the floor. “I’m a dragon. I just pooped.”

He looked up at me with a huge expectant smile. Oh! I get what he wants.

“Dragon!! Grooooooosssssssss!! Get that out of here!”

And with a giant burst of giggles, a new game was born. Even without the red suit, a little dragon cuts in front of me when I’m opening the fridge and drops a deuce right there between me and the veggie crisper. “Hahaha! You stepped in it!” Sometimes the dragon is clever, and poops right behind my feet when I’m changing the baby. Then I have to step in it when I back up. Declan the Dragon is sometimes extra ambitious, and will run all over the room leaving a mine field you just can’t dodge your way through.

One day I decided to retaliate. Instead of acting grossed out, I picked up some imaginary dukey and told him to eat it. Hahahaha!! Oh the triumph of seeing Dec throw his head back in disgust! Then, of course, he tried to turn the tables. Before long, we were tricking each other into eating imaginary sandwiches (“Try it. It has tomatoes and lettuce – your favorite!”) and candy and drinks… all spiked with feces ala dragon! I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty crafty. But so is that stinky ol’ dragon. It’s ok, though. I don’t mind dragon poop in my latte. What do you think makes the mac-n-cheese taste so good? =D


  1. Chels, I could read your stories all day! LMAO

  2. Chels, this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I have just one question: how in the world do you teach your child all this wonderful non-sense?

  3. lol too funny reminds me of the time I dropped Christian off at my mom's so I could go grocery shopping without having to chase him around. We had just gotten done eating pizza.
    Shawn and him always play that their food is poop or that is has extra farts or whatnot. Well, my mom asked him if he had eaten lunch and he said yes, she asked what he ate his response "Poop".